Just Friends

Platonic relationships, by definition, are intimate and affectionate but not sexual.  When two people become intimate and affectionate, sex is often the next biologically logical step.  Sometimes though, there are reasons that would make taking a relationship from platonic to sexual the most utterly and completely illogical oh-my-gosh-we-cannot-do-this step imaginable.  Whenever I see a man and woman in an intimate friendship, I always wonder if they have managed to fall off of that last step yet.

When two people of the opposite sex spend a lot of time together and enjoy one another’s company, they usually end up sharing some secrets.  Secrets bring closeness, and closeness often leads to intimacy and affection.  Whether or not two people are initially attracted to one another on a sexual level, there usually comes a time when one or both of them has a hmm-moment.  Hmm, it feels kind of good when he hugs me.  Hmm, she looks pretty hot today.  Hmm, I wonder if he has ever thought about it, even for a second.  Hmm, if we get a little drunk, where will this go next?  And then, unless one of them is able to hide this new little secret about their feelings for their ever-so-intimate-but-platonic friend, something changes.  After all, there is a natural progression from intimate and affectionate to sexual.   

Boundaries such as one or both friends’ marriages, potential co-worker drama, or personal hang-ups can sometimes keep the barriers up high enough to stave off a potential sexual relationship. 

Yet, even when the periphery has been clearly marked and the reasons why platonic should remain platonic have created a formidable barrier, all it takes is one person admitting the urge to take it further or somehow giving away the secret, and the walls can come crumbling down. 

Once the hmm-thoughts are out there, being just friends is no longer an option. 

Down Low

Affairs are exciting.  Intense lust is all the more intense when you have to sneak around to get it.  Secret meetings and whispered phone calls are hot.  Trying to keep it on the down low makes it all into a sexy game.  Are you playing?

Maybe you have spent a little time flirting with an old boyfriend on a social network.    Maybe you have trolled around on the web, just to see who is out there.  Maybe you dance a little too closely with strangers when you go out with your friends.  Perhaps you have been exchanging some heat with a coworker.  You may even be involved in a full-on sexual affair, something passionate and invigorating.  How would you feel if you found out that your partner has been doing the exact same thing? 

Men cheat.  Women cheat.  It happens, and it happens with people whom you would never suspect.  Maybe you have been cheated on.  Maybe you have been the cheater. 

Generally, men cheat for the thrill of it.  Men want a woman who appreciates them.  They want someone to tell them that they are great.  They want to feel like their sexual prowess is intact.  Men want a woman who will do what they want, where they want it, and whenever they ask for it.  They want someone to make them feel like a man.  A lot of that comes from insecurity and a need for control.  Some of it simply comes from the natural desire to sleep with many different women. 

There are some women who cheat for the same reasons, but most women do it because they need attention.  Women want to hear that they are beautiful and sexy and worth a man’s time.  Women will get into a sexual relationship outside of their supposedly monogamous relationship because they feel neglected by their significant other.  They are missing the emotional connection that they seek.  They are insecure, too.  Many women will claim that they can be involved in a sexual relationship with someone just for the sex, but I have yet to believe a single one of them. 

While it is stimulating to suddenly have someone in your life that wants to give you time and attention and fantastic sex, being on the down low is a very low down thing to do to someone.  If your partner or spouse has made a commitment to you, you should do the same.  It is not just a moral issue.  It is about being the kind of person who refuses to hurt someone who cares about them, no matter how tempting the alternative may be.  If you cannot honestly say that you will be faithful, get out of your relationship. 

Trusting someone you love to be dedicated to your relationship is a big deal.  Finding out you have been lied to and cheated on is one hell of a thing to have to go through.  We owe it to ourselves to respect one another and to end one relationship before beginning another. 

You may think that it will end well, but it never does.  Never.  Someone always finds out.  Someone always suffers. 

If you have to keep it on the down low, you shouldn’t be doing it.

Out There

I am a skeptic.  That being said, I often ponder the possibility of things we cannot know.  This is going to sound like I am kind of out there, but I definitely have my moments when the unbelievable is suddenly pretty damned believable.  Things are not always what they seem, and sometimes the supernatural seems natural. 

                        

I sometimes think about psychic visions and ghosts and other mystical effects.  My first reaction is always an attempt to figure out how these things could be feasible.  There are hoaxes that make everything seemingly paranormal look like the stuff of fools.  The human mind has the power to invent imaginings.  Coincidences happen all the time.  Sometimes, we just see what we want to see or feel what we need to feel.    

I do wonder though.  Things do happen that do not make sense.  I myself have witnessed the nonsensical and have seen some things that would make me sound like a crazy person if I said them out loud.  Someone I know has an uncanny manner of dreaming things before they happen.  One of my close friends visits a woman who claims to have clairvoyant abilities, and she has been happy with the results of those interactions.  Loved ones have experienced seeming divine interventions.  Déjà vu happens to the best of us.  Yes, all of those things could definitely be our minds playing tricks on us, but what if it is real?    

There are things that we cannot understand with our underused and fairly unimaginative brains.  We are all energy, and maybe it is possible that we can interact with other energies on some profoundly unfathomable level.  There are other dimensions which exist, and who are we to know what is or is not possible within them?  We cannot comprehend all that is out there.

And maybe I am a little bit out there, but sometimes I wonder if it could all be real.