Affairs are exciting. Intense lust is all the more intense when you have to sneak around to get it. Secret meetings and whispered phone calls are hot. Trying to keep it on the down low makes it all into a sexy game. Are you playing?
Maybe you have spent a little time flirting with an old boyfriend on a social network. Maybe you have trolled around on the web, just to see who is out there. Maybe you dance a little too closely with strangers when you go out with your friends. Perhaps you have been exchanging some heat with a coworker. You may even be involved in a full-on sexual affair, something passionate and invigorating. How would you feel if you found out that your partner has been doing the exact same thing?
Men cheat. Women cheat. It happens, and it happens with people whom you would never suspect. Maybe you have been cheated on. Maybe you have been the cheater.
Generally, men cheat for the thrill of it. Men want a woman who appreciates them. They want someone to tell them that they are great. They want to feel like their sexual prowess is intact. Men want a woman who will do what they want, where they want it, and whenever they ask for it. They want someone to make them feel like a man. A lot of that comes from insecurity and a need for control. Some of it simply comes from the natural desire to sleep with many different women.
There are some women who cheat for the same reasons, but most women do it because they need attention. Women want to hear that they are beautiful and sexy and worth a man’s time. Women will get into a sexual relationship outside of their supposedly monogamous relationship because they feel neglected by their significant other. They are missing the emotional connection that they seek. They are insecure, too. Many women will claim that they can be involved in a sexual relationship with someone just for the sex, but I have yet to believe a single one of them.
While it is stimulating to suddenly have someone in your life that wants to give you time and attention and fantastic sex, being on the down low is a very low down thing to do to someone. If your partner or spouse has made a commitment to you, you should do the same. It is not just a moral issue. It is about being the kind of person who refuses to hurt someone who cares about them, no matter how tempting the alternative may be. If you cannot honestly say that you will be faithful, get out of your relationship.
Trusting someone you love to be dedicated to your relationship is a big deal. Finding out you have been lied to and cheated on is one hell of a thing to have to go through. We owe it to ourselves to respect one another and to end one relationship before beginning another.
You may think that it will end well, but it never does. Never. Someone always finds out. Someone always suffers.
If you have to keep it on the down low, you shouldn’t be doing it.
4 comments:
Hi Alicia, I think this post is worthy of being on billboards around the world!
I've run into so many people who have been hurt by cheating. Their lives have been crushed. The cheaters life was mangled. People somewhat heal given enough time, lives go on, but though they fade, never do the questions and doubts completely go away.
Only thing that I might add. We also owe it to ourselves to respect ourselves and not become liars in the eyes of others.
One more thing. I'd like to ask if you would mind if I add a link to your blog on mine?
I think the difference between men and women is women tend to give their heart. As for men...well I just can't answer for a man.
I have found it is easier not to judge someone who has had an affair, unless I have walked a mile in their shoes. There are too many reasons, too many problems that I as a person do not understand or know about in someone elses life. I do not understand what motivates a person to have an affair. All I know it is something deep within that person that is missing or broken and they are trying to find or fix it.
Ivan- Thank you for your words. I would love for you to share the link.
Anonymous- No judgments here. I know from experience that you are right about something being missing or broken. Because I know firsthand, I also know that the end result is nothing but pain.
Thank you Alicia!
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