Little did I know that when the words were flowing for my last post, Feel It, I was preparing for one of the most painful and sad weeks of my life. One of my dear friends told me that those words may have been given to me by God in order to ready me for the pain ahead. I know not whether that is true, or whether the Universe just has a plan, or whether it just happened that way. In any case, Feel It braced me for the days to come. That pain I was talking about? I felt it. The need to be a rock for someone while later grieving alone? I felt it. Wow, did I feel it. And this is something that I will feel forever.
Someone I love lost their young child suddenly this week. The family needed me, and I hope that I was able to be there in every way that they needed me to be, and that I will continue to be there for them in the days, weeks, and years ahead.
The loss of a child makes no sense in the grand scheme of life. One day he was there, happy and healthy, and the next he was gone. The pain of the loss is simply crushing. There is no way to think about anything beyond the loss. There is no way to stop feeling it.
Somehow though, I found the strength to try to do what needed to be done to make things just a little bit easier for the grieving family and their friends. I can only pray that I did what I was supposed to do. The need to do something to help was automatic, it is what a friend is meant to do, and the thanks they offered were almost too much to bear. Hearing someone who is grieving tell me that they appreciate me feels wrong to me. I felt guilty for taking any second of their attention away from their mourning and away from the family. Yes, I know that it is illogical, but that is how I felt.
The strength that got me through this week did not come from me. It came from having friends and family who offered their love and support when I needed it most.
The loss of a child I love, I felt it. My own pained sobbing, I felt it. The crushing grief, I felt it.
The love of family, friends, and strangers...I felt it.
3 comments:
Alicia..You are an amazing friend and woman. I only hope I could have a friend like you when times get hard and unbearable. I hope you have had someone to lean on this week when everything got to be too much to handle.
Alicia,
I felt the love you have for your friends through this unimaginable time, and I know they felt it too. You have always been a wonderful friend and this family is so fortunate to have had you beside them. I hope someone is taking care of you too. Love you!
Grief really does reach down deep and tear at our souls.
Hope your OK Alicia!
Miss you and hope you can get back to making me smile and think with your wonderful blog.
(((((HUGS)))))
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