Like Dogs

I often make inappropriate comments, so sometimes my friends like to return the favor.  Occasionally (and granted, this does not happen very often) a friend will say something that startles me a little bit.  My usual reaction to such a rare occurrence is hysterical laughter.  Today, that hysteria was brought on by this comment:

“I wonder if a dog gets turned on if it watches other dogs have sex.” 

My first reaction was to laugh my ass off at the notion of dog porn.  My second thought was that only a man could have come up with that one.  Perhaps I am generalizing a bit here, but I highly doubt that such a thought would have popped into a female mind.

It is not like my mind doesn’t wander constantly.  It does.  Sometimes I will think about something and consider that it is remotely possible that no one has ever, in the history of thinking humans, had that exact thought.  Usually, it is because the thought is bordering on bizarre, but once in a while the random thought is actually something fairly substantial. 

However, when my psyche delves into some imaginative tangent involving sex, it has never, never gone into the realm of dog porn.  Doggy style, maybe.  Dog porn, absolutely not.  Not once.  Ever.  And honestly, I’m really, really happy about that.  Seriously.

The problem is that, when <Said Curious Friend> made the comment, I had to start thinking about it.  When I start thinking about something and do not know the answer, I have to find out.  In my youth I was the Encyclopedia Princess and now I’m the Google Queen.  I look up everything and anything for which I do not have an immediate and accurate answer.  This is something that I cannot stop.  So, as sad as this may be, I just googled “studies of dog sexual behavior”.  I seriously just did that.  I read about one paragraph, skimmed down the page, saw the word “bitch”, and bailed.  And now I am thoroughly embarrassed about my own behavior.  What kind of freak does that?

In this case, I really, really do not want to know the answer to the question.  I imagine that there have been university-funded studies on dog arousal, but seriously, I am pretty damned sure I can go on without knowing the solution to this one. 

Curiosity, they say, killed the cat. 

And maybe the dogs need their privacy. 

Either way, I do not want to know.